i am of many names. many faces.
i'll answer to what you choose to call me.
but do not call me brave. this vision you have of me. i believe it to be inaccurate.
you see me as a dreamer. an optimist.
stubborn enough to prove them wrong... (yes)
willfull enough to make it... (yes)
confident enough to accept no other alternative... (oh, oh no)
when you see me standing at the foot of this mountain, looking up
taking my deep breath.....
i love you for seeing me as a thing of beauty.
i thank you for casting such a soft light around me, enough light to make me look strong
i only look forward with such enthusiasm, my darling
because i'm too afraid to look to my past
there is... there will be... no going back.
i must succeed. i don't know how not to.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
moving on is moving up
you distract me
with the pressure of a leaky faucet, you infect my brain
a most exquisite torture
you are beautiful, and you know it
but inside your shell is a shy little creature of passion
toying with words until they break a heart
drawing the heavens more accurately than the gods themselves
sing again, my darling
for me, for us
create the sounds that close my eyes,
that stop my breath and quicken my pulse
make my distraction worthwhile
my need to be right about you is growing
feed my desperation
teach me how you need me to love you
with the pressure of a leaky faucet, you infect my brain
a most exquisite torture
you are beautiful, and you know it
but inside your shell is a shy little creature of passion
toying with words until they break a heart
drawing the heavens more accurately than the gods themselves
sing again, my darling
for me, for us
create the sounds that close my eyes,
that stop my breath and quicken my pulse
make my distraction worthwhile
my need to be right about you is growing
feed my desperation
teach me how you need me to love you
my bitter betrayal
these words, these phrases of malice and contempt
they're dancing at the back of my throat
things i never thought i could say / pictures of your character i never before could imagine
and i'm swallowing them - how could i be protecting you still... after all this??
i find my lips sealed tight around your secrets
my teeth clinched, so no pain can sneak through
what happened to your trust in me?
you traded in my friendship for a quick lay
my devotion was overlooked in your lust
your anger and assumptions come to you quicker than mine
our friendship broken, by my promises kept
well fuck you.
arm your delilah with your locks and my words
she'll try to destroy us both, and she may succeed...
but you've already destroyed all that we could have had.
they're dancing at the back of my throat
things i never thought i could say / pictures of your character i never before could imagine
and i'm swallowing them - how could i be protecting you still... after all this??
i find my lips sealed tight around your secrets
my teeth clinched, so no pain can sneak through
what happened to your trust in me?
you traded in my friendship for a quick lay
my devotion was overlooked in your lust
your anger and assumptions come to you quicker than mine
our friendship broken, by my promises kept
well fuck you.
arm your delilah with your locks and my words
she'll try to destroy us both, and she may succeed...
but you've already destroyed all that we could have had.
(ran) unfinished, in progress...
webster can't help me
i need a new word
big enough to capture the smile on my face
i've told you before but i don't think you heard me
how do you write unconditional love?
_____________________________________
i've built an identity on your faith in me.
don't falter now.
become who i see in you.
the who you can be, so much stronger than me.
so full of potential
*take my hand, we'll make it*
we'll take this whole damn world by storm.
by land & sea, it's you and me
i can see you through your shadows.
i need a new word
big enough to capture the smile on my face
i've told you before but i don't think you heard me
how do you write unconditional love?
_____________________________________
i've built an identity on your faith in me.
don't falter now.
become who i see in you.
the who you can be, so much stronger than me.
so full of potential
*take my hand, we'll make it*
we'll take this whole damn world by storm.
by land & sea, it's you and me
i can see you through your shadows.
i wish i still felt this way
the sky's waking up
my determination is waning
i cannot fight against this. against you.
your strength, unknown to you
your skill, unparalleled.
the fear in your eyes, in that brief moment - when i could have lied to us both - i could have let the hammer fall and broken both our hearts.
that -- has been my state of existence. for months.
but you do not deserve that. we have both suffered heartbreak.
i know you will see it again soon, but not at my hands.
never at my hands.
the sky is waking up.
and i have just wished you goodnight.
i miss you already.
His eyes... Your heart... My progress...
Your silence is ringing – LOUD AND CLEAR – straight through my heart.
He saw me, you know.
He heard me. Listened to me with his eyes.A cinnamon gaze so intense it made my breathing falter.
So modest in his gracious acceptance of my compliments, he heard all those words that I couldn't find.
He genuinely wanted to know what I thought, who I am, what I can see in him…
An active conversation. Two stories told.
We, struggling through our salted, malted haze, trying to find one another.
Seeking souls through our pupils. They were there, waiting.
His gaze so intimate an audience, so willing to let me make my claims and take my bow. I almost felt guilty at the applause. Unfaithful. Too easy.
*I've wasted so much time on you.*
All the love I've given you, it's yours. Keep it. Find some way to use it someday.I have plenty left to give.
He's gorgeous, and he's kind. And he hears me in a way that you never have.
Through eyes that have haunted my days.
But you possess a beauty of your own. I see it in you still. I fear I always will.
I am weak for you, but I cannot survive in the role you have cast me.
-screaming and crying my monologues in the dark…ignored.
I will shine again. And you may miss me. And you may not.
Perhaps I'm easy to forget. You are not. I will love you forever.
But there's got to be something for me. His eyes told me that secret. And his eyes are pure enough to trust.
He saw me, you know.
He heard me. Listened to me with his eyes.A cinnamon gaze so intense it made my breathing falter.
So modest in his gracious acceptance of my compliments, he heard all those words that I couldn't find.
He genuinely wanted to know what I thought, who I am, what I can see in him…
An active conversation. Two stories told.
We, struggling through our salted, malted haze, trying to find one another.
Seeking souls through our pupils. They were there, waiting.
His gaze so intimate an audience, so willing to let me make my claims and take my bow. I almost felt guilty at the applause. Unfaithful. Too easy.
*I've wasted so much time on you.*
All the love I've given you, it's yours. Keep it. Find some way to use it someday.I have plenty left to give.
He's gorgeous, and he's kind. And he hears me in a way that you never have.
Through eyes that have haunted my days.
But you possess a beauty of your own. I see it in you still. I fear I always will.
I am weak for you, but I cannot survive in the role you have cast me.
-screaming and crying my monologues in the dark…ignored.
I will shine again. And you may miss me. And you may not.
Perhaps I'm easy to forget. You are not. I will love you forever.
But there's got to be something for me. His eyes told me that secret. And his eyes are pure enough to trust.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
several years old - but still accurate
jaded
faded
misery
wears a
bitter
smile
singing "Oh, woe. Oh, woe."
she dresses in her nightclothes
at the crack of dawn
she walks into a room by turning
every lightswitch on
she loves it, misery.
she conforms to current trends
without even knowing why
she's buried in the ground
and she doesn't miss the sky
she needs it, misery.
jaded
faded
misery
has a
little
child
singing "Go, go. Don't go!"
she disregards her talents
with the taking of a name
she understands her mishaps
but she'll never take the blame
she wants it, misery
deeper and darker
darker and damp
lower and lower
all the time cramped
deeper and deeper
longer and now it's
lower and lower
and finally vows
"I'll always be Misery."
faded
misery
wears a
bitter
smile
singing "Oh, woe. Oh, woe."
she dresses in her nightclothes
at the crack of dawn
she walks into a room by turning
every lightswitch on
she loves it, misery.
she conforms to current trends
without even knowing why
she's buried in the ground
and she doesn't miss the sky
she needs it, misery.
jaded
faded
misery
has a
little
child
singing "Go, go. Don't go!"
she disregards her talents
with the taking of a name
she understands her mishaps
but she'll never take the blame
she wants it, misery
deeper and darker
darker and damp
lower and lower
all the time cramped
deeper and deeper
longer and now it's
lower and lower
and finally vows
"I'll always be Misery."
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
My Open Letter to Fate
Alright, I get it already. Lighten up. You've been pulling out all the stops over the last two years. Are you just trying to prove a point? It seems you have more allies than I.
What did you barter, Fate, to get Death to play his scythe? And together with Father Time the blow fell on that one week when the strongest part of me was on vacation. My own soul's back up team was overseas, out of range and getting high. A pill so bitter, I didn't even remember how to cry.
Any why would you ask dear Cupid, with aim so accurate and with arrow so full of good intentions, to pay me any mind? I'd gone a lifetime without falling - until the Adam of my heartbreak entered the scene. His tongue sweeter than the serpent's and his bite more fatal as he and his Delilah banned me from my mind's paradise.
I've had to resign myself to depend on the people whose careless words have cut me the deepest. In the arrangement that would make me grant them more control and leave me to harbor even more anger and resentment than before.
Through all this I had slowly lost my headstrong will, and my fierce fighting became quiet cooperation. I have always felt all things to an extreme, but this walking death is a far more terrifying pattern. I am waking up.
And now, Fate, your tables begin to turn. I am playing your game, and I am playing to win. I have put my life and my happiness on hold too long. I have prevailed where others may have faltered. Your tricks may have made me forget how to cry or mourn. But no matter how hard the blow, my childlike hope burns on. No matter how long the tunnel, I have seen my saving light.
I will win this game, Fate. You really should have seen this one coming.
What did you barter, Fate, to get Death to play his scythe? And together with Father Time the blow fell on that one week when the strongest part of me was on vacation. My own soul's back up team was overseas, out of range and getting high. A pill so bitter, I didn't even remember how to cry.
Any why would you ask dear Cupid, with aim so accurate and with arrow so full of good intentions, to pay me any mind? I'd gone a lifetime without falling - until the Adam of my heartbreak entered the scene. His tongue sweeter than the serpent's and his bite more fatal as he and his Delilah banned me from my mind's paradise.
I've had to resign myself to depend on the people whose careless words have cut me the deepest. In the arrangement that would make me grant them more control and leave me to harbor even more anger and resentment than before.
Through all this I had slowly lost my headstrong will, and my fierce fighting became quiet cooperation. I have always felt all things to an extreme, but this walking death is a far more terrifying pattern. I am waking up.
And now, Fate, your tables begin to turn. I am playing your game, and I am playing to win. I have put my life and my happiness on hold too long. I have prevailed where others may have faltered. Your tricks may have made me forget how to cry or mourn. But no matter how hard the blow, my childlike hope burns on. No matter how long the tunnel, I have seen my saving light.
I will win this game, Fate. You really should have seen this one coming.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
in tro
I'm an addict for online communities. I join them, in hopes that I will have dozens of fascinating converstations with all those people who I already know. Alas, they've all failed me. However - this is where I'll be posting my writings, or writings of others that I find inspiring... because let's face it - who takes a poem seriously on MySpace.
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